The Guardian Angel

Dear Guardian Angel I know you have always been there to protect me, to hear me cry while I soak the pillow with tears, and then you try to console me in a faint breeze brushing my head, I know that you have heard me whining and complaining about life's injustice and you in some silent words try to tell me " Hey mate! this will be over soon" , I know when you are trying to make me feel your presence in the form of sounds or words that I know are meant for me. I know when I pour out my anger on you and you say, " wait, I will be relieved of this duty to look after you only when someone else loves you more than I do". You are the messenger who brought me signals from the Higher Realms.

That's why the name of the blog, Ishin - Denshin because this is the communion between mind, heart and soul where I have felt you, seen you , heard you angelic voice and believe you when you say that we will meet one day.

This is to say, that I too love you and will also fight with you, when ever things will go wrong my way. After all I have the rights and you have the duty.

Law of free will and destiny

Wondering if we all are puppets in the hands of the almighty and of the nine planets that rotate and revolve far flung from us somewhere in the solar system, or has the almighty bestowed us with a law of free will. What is prarabdh ( the collected deeds of past lives) and what is purusharth  ( the actions ). Here is what a famous seer  answered.

Most of us are aware of the game of bridge played with pack of cards. We get some cards initially after shuffling. And then as game pursue, we also take help of additional cards, whenever our turn arrives. Either we pick the card and throw away the card the one we dont want from our pack or we let that card go by without any inclusion and exclusion.

But those actions do change the game we playing.

Just like that we are given a certain set of cards in life also. The one on whose reception or non reception is not in our hand. This is prarabdh, past collected karma.  But then life tosses in front of us cards that could be changed by our actions and present karma. And so we can change our destiny by playing with our conscience.

This is life, destiny, the collected deed ( sanchit karma) and our actions. Lord Krishna also said in Bhagwad Gita, that "although He controls the entire Universe, yet He does not interfere; He allowed the people to choose their own actions".

We can change our destiny, our forebearance of fruits of our own deed. By our thoughts, actions and love for the Supreme and His creations. 

Every religeous scripture is based on teaching of three element, HOPE, FAITH AND LOVE.

Let us fill our heart with these and do our deeds.

A unique relation

Far at foothills, there was a village. Recently, the people of village were gloomy. The year did'nt bring much of the anticipated rainfall. If it do not rain now, there are chances of being drought. The villagers decided to approach the Sufi Saint residing uphills, and ask him to pray for rainfall.

The saint was just done hanging his clothes after washing. Villagers requested for the special prayer. To which he replied, " Oh ! Allah is keen on playing games with me, he doesnt listen to me, and is always interfering in my work. Useless as it is, I dont think he will hear my plea."  Suddenly the cloud burst and it started raining. Villagers were amazed and about to thank the Saint when he broke out, " See, I told you he is keen on not hearing me or allowing me to do my chores, now he would not allow even my clothes to  DRY !!!!"

the last minute

I thought I travelled a long way, still couldnt find my destination. In searching it, I overlooked the marvels of mother nature, now I feel its the journey thats important and I never paid heed to it. I searched around, but couldnt find anyone, still whose breathing was brushing my neck? Whose faint whisper I heard, whose voice was that sounded like my own voice, whose words were that I spoke aloud. Now coming across a still bent. the journey seems futile, idiot I was to take this less treaded path. Why couldnt lord bless me with a comfortable life. I asked this question aloud, Almighty, its better if I am a sinner, atleast I will enjoy my life, since you pay more attention to them, while I tried to live my life as per to your standard of accuracy, and I got what? He laughed and said, I am taking care of them as they loved me some time back when they were not in this attire. "Fine", I heard myself replying, " I too will do the same". To which again He chuckled,I am taking care for them for this particular road only, not for the destination and journey lying ahead. I surrendered myself again. He always do this to me, changing my decision at last moment. I closed my eyes took another step round the corner, and lo and behold, was my destiny. Now I knew, there is just but one difference in the winner and looser, the LAST MINUTE. One keep the faith, other lost it just before the sunrise.

letter from a husband

Dear wife
It feels as if it was yesterday when we held hands together with stars in eyes. You moved in my house and created a home, bring laughter and fun and became a reason for me to look forward for the day to end and be at home.

That was before 5 years, a few extra pounds, the kids and when there was less hair fall for me. Things have drastically changed, but is it for good? I know you still wishes to see me as the man in his first crush, I know you expect roses and chocolates, to remember and celebrate all the days whether the day we first met, we first dated, we engaged and so on....

But darling, please live with this shortcoming of mine, I am sincerely hopeless at it, coz all I remember now is the day when my salary get credited, when I am due to EMIs and all those dry things you accused me of.

You accuses I dont share things with you, but somewhere its deep rooted into my psyche I have to behave like a macho and cannot tell you the worries at my office front, what if it dilutes my image, stupid it is I know. But I dont prefer to make hype of it, which I believe will solve with time, at that time I switch to news, cricket as a mean of diversion.

But you chose that time  to tell me what happened at home, what my brigade of relatives said or didnt say, how am I getting insensitive, how drastically I have changed, how I am no more the man who loved you and so on.

At that time instead of arguing, sorry communication where you speak I listen then you cry and I flee scenerio, I withdraw. I promise sweet heart I will have all right 'discussion' if you will not flung a fault of mine, a 'heinous crime' I committed against you several ages back at me.

You wish me to be the picture perfect son in law or brother in law.

All I ask you is that I am ready to do all my duties as a son in law, if you share my responsibility as a son, if you just can bear my parents and siblings because truth is that you all are my life, and I cannot outcast them because you find them overbearing. I know they too are at fault sometimes, but take them as mere mortals with flaws and virtues at same time. If they are having a darker side, then plz for my sake concentrate at some positive aspect of them ( including mine). Life will be easier, I swear.

You say I should look upon others, but you know, your comparison makes me insecure, and last thing I want to know is that I am not good enough for you.

I still misses those early days of our marriage, and I want to say there are still dreams to turn into reality, holiday destination to be explored, life to be lived. We are not yet old.
I still want to be the one man who is your axis of life, who is perfect and you are happy because you have me. I dont want the conversation to begin with how I and my family wronged you, but how I am all right for you.

When I am at low, then be patient with me, dont nag me, give me a space to work out the problem and I promise I will tell you all about it and ask advice as well when I am no more in knots over it myself.

I too am insecured that what if you dont find me good enough, with hair receding, with fats accumulating. At that time tell me I am still handsomest man and then coerce me to go to gym, take care of my diet, I love when you do it, manipulating me in your own style.

Children are important, but show me I am important too, show me you look forward for a time meant for just two of us, show me that our communication means things about you and me, not the neighbors, your family, my family, kids, your friends, our domestic help, their spouse and all that endless important people.

If I can watch soapy and soppy serial,  can you too love to see cricket with me?

We men have a big flaw, somewhere a child is always alive in us, who wishes to throw tantrums, being center of attraction, food freaks, love to party and hang out, lazy.
Sometimes i say things to you which i never meant, sometimes I am stubborn, sometimes ( sorry as per to you, most of the times) I forget to say you I am Sorry or that I love you, but its always in my heart.
 I wish to see you taking care of all these traits of mine with patience. But the crux is that I  am a  good guy and believe in why to express everything in words. Besides, words are never strong forte of mine.

I am not that perfect, but I can be one. I promise I will take care of all my responsibilities.

Believe me, dream with me, show me you still adore me, dont give up on me even if you feel I am not reciprocating, I never scored good in language and theory, always practical person getting my magna cum laude and summa cum laude in maths and science.

But that doesnt mean I dont love or appreciate or value you, you are the best thing that happened to me. You say you are happy that I am in your life, but darling I am happy that you are my life.
I fell in love with a sweet innocent girl and she helped me turning into a better person.

I cannot promise you that i will be more frequent with declaration part in words regarding my feelings for you, I am still bad at it, but i promise you that i still and will always love you and be with you. Just share my excitement, my achievements and accolades and since its you who is good at words, dont stop telling me i am so good at whatever i do. It salvage my ego, sorry i prefer to call it my morale.

keep loving me despite of my shortfalls, and i promise that i too will try to iron out all your doubts and worries, but if in not in words, certainly through actions.  Its just that i too fear your rejection

There will be times when  you might feel other things are more important than you, but trust me, they are not.

Dont deter your faith in me, Believe me and keep loving me

yours forever

the man for whom you walked the aisle


( P.S. tissues and roses are kept in second drawer of the side table, along with your favourite chocolates, perfume and a dress to be donned for tonight's movie show, dont ask me whats the special occasion or dont tease your brain for any special day reply, because i dont know, i just felt like so doing it.)


( Posted to give fair hearing to Adam's side of race :), based upon experience of near relations)

Letter from a wife

Dear Room mate

Sometimes I wonder if we are the same couple who vowed 'till death do us apart', wrote the endearing lines sealing with kiss when got engaged, who celebrated one week or one month of marriage anniversary as same frivolousness as if touching the golden line of 50 years. Our world was one and I felt being the axis of it.

But then descended a few years and though we are physically together, but for emotional sphere, it seems an invisible moat is created between us and the drawbridge is pulled.

I married the man I adore, and you know for me its a land between love and worship, I love when you take charge of things, when your protecting instincts are working at adrenaline rush, but once a while, show me you treat me as an equal, that you respect my decisions and choice, find me intelligent enough to seek my advice and good enough to share your worries and problems, that I am dependable. Because when you don't, I feel you dont find me compatible anymore and then i start nagging which frustrate hell out of you and you demand your breathing space.

You hate me if I ask, "Am I putting on?", but I ask because you are my greatest strength and weakness at the same time. I am insecured of loosing your interest, of what if you don't find me attractive any more. I know you believe its too formal for something deep and intimate bond we share, but your occasional " I love you" will smooth away the creases of doubts  I sometimes harbor.

I never want to  have the sole claim over you, and I know that your family, friends are an integral part of you, just like me and kids. I dont expect large overflowing bouquets, but a casual plucking of flower from our garden exclusively for me can still make my heart go for a quick waltz.

It light up my eyes when I see yours turning green with envy, when someone else look at me. I love when you flashes signs of " stay away, she is mine"

Please hubby dear, show me I matter to you, that my voice still sounds music to you, that though your phone and laptop and friends and T.V. is important, but not important than me. That you are happy I happened in your life, that I still am gorgeous and b'ful despite of progressing in age.

I know you accused me that I got changed, that I always busy managing household or taking care of family or solving problems of friends and no longer have time for you, but to confess, I am not a good homemaker, I am overtaxing myself only to please you, you are my world and I am just trying to fit in yours.

This is just to remind you as well that I am a human being too, with feelings, anger, frustrations, desire. Please do not neglect me when I am not at my best, hold me in your arms, let me cry with my head on your chest and your arms encircling me, when I am at all time low.Please try to help me taking care of family, do not shun me when I am bitter.

Can we once a while forget all responsibilities and behave like recently fallen in love, stealing glances in public, a surprise when least expected, the words spoken aloud that mostly left unsaid, a blooming stem on dining table, a light kiss and declaration that I am looking hot when I take extra efforts to look like one ( because thats for you my genius of jerk, not for your friends and certainly not for their wives) and sometimes a public acknowledgement that you are proud of me ( promise, i will take extra care to make you one next time)

Forever yours
the woman you married

P.S. ( there is a trail of sticky notes for you to expedite a treasure hunt, and yeah, when you want, you still kiss like dream, and can give any hollywood hunk, a chase for his money)


[  NOT ON PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, YET TO FIND MY MAN TO WHOM I CAN WRITE (crossing my fingers,  hope I need not) THE LETTER    ; )  ]

A tribute to Radhe Krishna

कृष्ण की गोकुल से विदाई

माता यशोदा के चरण स्पर्श कर रहे कृष्ण के मस्तक पर ममता की ऊष्मा लिये अश्रु अभिषेक कर रहे थे। बाबा नन्द जैसे जड़वत थे। सबको प्रणाम कर बलभद्र एवं कृष्ण रथ की ओर अग्रसर हुए। माता यशोदा  के गौर मुखाकृति को कान्हा के  नीलवर्ण हाथो में समेटकर ऐसे प्रतीति दे रहे थे जैसे सूर्य को नील मेघ ने आच्छादित कर दिया हो  आज कान्हा की प्रिय गौएँ के बड़े बड़े चक्षु भी अश्रु निर्झर प्रवाहित कर रहे थे। रथ के समीप खड़ी राधिका के निकट पहुँचकर चरण यंत्रवत थम गए। गोकुल की वह प्राण प्रिय सखी आज मौन थी। मुरली की मधुर तान सदृश लगने वाली वाणी की स्वामिनी आज चुप थी। किसी देवालय में प्रतिष्ठित देव प्रतिमा सम शांत। हाँ, कुछ रिक्तता थी उस देव प्रतिमा में, इस सांवरे को मोहने वाली निश्छल  मुस्कान आज मुख कमल पर न थी, था तो अश्रुओ का अथांह  सागर, जिसे नयनो के बाँध बड़ी कठिनाई से रोके थे। यमुना की जल तरंग जिस तरह प्लावन में उद्वेलित होती है, वैसे अश्रुओ  को नयन कपाट रोके हुए थे।
अब तक राधा कृष्ण का मौन संवाद शब्द का प्रारूप लेने पर बाध्य हो गया।
"राधिके, मेरी अनुपस्थिति में मैय्या, बाबा एवं नन्द गाँव का ध्यान रखना, होली, गोवर्धन उसी उल्लास एवं हर्ष उत्साह से मनाना। मेरे विछोह में यहाँ किंचित भी उदासी न छाने देना।"

अब तक देव प्रतिमा सी अविचलित खड़ी राधिका अंततः बोल पड़ी " बस करो कान्हा, और कितने दुष्कर कार्य सौंपोगे, तुम्हारे बिना होली क्या, हर दिवस रंगहीन होगा, यमुना की तरंगे रेत में अंकित तुम्हारे पद चिन्हों खोजेंगी, ये पूर्वा मथुरा में तुम्हे छूने के लिए लालायित हो पूरे वेग से उस ओर बहेंगी, तुम्हारी प्रिय पारिजात पुष्प कदाचित इस कुंजवन को सुवासित करना  ही छोड़ दे, अपनी कनिष्क पर जिस गिरिराज को तुमने धारण कर कृतार्थ  किया था, वह भी अपनी गंभीर मुद्रा को त्याग कर रोने के लिए अधीर है, और तुम कहते है सबका ध्यान रखना" इतना कहकर उस अराधिका का कंठ अवरुद्ध हो गया।
 नयनो के कोरों पर उतर आये अश्रू को पुनः चक्षु कपाट में बंद कर स्वयं को संयत कर बोली " जानती हो कान्हा, आज समस्त ब्रह्माण्ड में तुम्हे गोकुल में रोकने का सामर्थ्य मुझ में है, पर तुझमे ही एकाकार हूँ, तेरा ही प्रतिबिम्ब हूँ, गोविन्द गोपाल से युगंधर बनने की तुम्हारी यात्रा में आज तुम्हे न रोकना ही इस यात्रा में मेरा योगदान है। जानती हूँ के अब तेरे दर्शन जीवन की सांध्य वेला में होगा, तब भी तुझे गोकुल के दायित्वों से मुक्त करती हूँ, बस एक बिनती है, वृन्दावन को न भूलना, माता देवकी के स्पर्श  में मैया यशोदा का आँचल और नवनीत याद रखना, पिता वसुदेव की वाणी में बाबा नन्द को यदा कदा स्मरण कर लेना, भविष्य में जिस राज्य सभा में तारक मंडल में सूर्य की भाँती दैदीप्यमान होंगे, उसमे अपने ग्वाल सखा  द्वारा निर्मित खेल प्रांगण की छवि भी देख लेना, अपने रत्न जटित सिंहासन पर विराजमान होकर उस शिला को भी याद कर लेना जिस पर बैठ कर तुमने अपनी मुरली की तान से सबको सम्मोहित किया था। जलधि में जिस अकल्पनीय नगर का निर्माण करोगे, उसमे रहकर गोकुल को न भूलना. अपने भव्य राज प्रासाद में कभी कभी गोकुल की इन गोपिकाओ को भी याद कर लेना"

अपने को पुनः संयत कर वह आगे बोली, ' जाओ कान्हा, एक नवयुग की संरचना कर इस गोकुल और वृन्दावन को अमरत्व प्रदान करो, हां एक विनती और है, जब अपने समस्त  दायित्वो से मुक्त हो जाओ तब अपनी वृद्धा हो चुकी इस सखी से मिलने आ अवश्य जाना. तब तक यह मुरली हमें सौंप दो, ताकि गोकुल वासी तुम्हारी इस धरोहर को स्पर्श कर धन्य हो सके।"

कृष्ण जानते थे राधिके ने मुरली क्यों माँगी. मुरली उनके गोप जीवन का प्रतीक थी और यही ग्वाल जीवन मांग राधा ने उन्हें गोपालक से क्षत्रिय धर्मं केपथ  लिए मुक्त कर दिया। राधा जानती थी की भविष्य में उसके श्याम सांवरे को  इन्ही हाथो में सुदर्शन धारण करना है, तब दिव्य सुदर्शन की तीक्ष्णता और कोमल मुरली को लेकर कान्हा कभी असमंजन में न रहे, और मुरली की सुरीली तान सुदर्शन के प्रक्षेपण के समय उसकी कठोर गर्जना में दब कर न रह जाए, इसलिए प्रेम योग के इस अस्त्र को राधिका ने अपने संरक्षण में ले लिया।

कृष्ण बोले, " राधे! आज वृन्दावन का ये माखन चोर तेरा ऋणी हुआ, कितने द्वंद्व से आज तुने मुझे उबार लिया। भविष्य में एक महायुद्ध में एक  महानायक का मै सारथी बनूँगा, किन्तु गोप जीवन के खेल प्रांगन से  जीवन के समारांगन  में मेरा सारथ्य कर्म तुने किया है, कृष्ण को यहाँ से देह रूप में ही जा रहा है, वस्तुतः वह तो यहाँ के हर रज कण में, हर पत्तो  और उनमें बह रही पूर्व में रहेगा। विरह की जो तपस्या मेरी भोली सखी तू करेगी, विश्व के समस्त ऋषि मुनि की तपस्या भी उसके आगे हीन और तुच्छ  होगी, "

"  कृष्ण मथुरा के पास होकर भी मथुरा का नहीं होगा परन्तु वृन्दावन में न होकर भी सर्वदा यही रहेगा। ब्रिज में मेरे हर कर्त्तव्य  को परिपूर्ण करना, मेरे माता पिता का ध्यान रखना, उनकी सेवा करना, मेरे सखा और गौओ का भी ध्यान रखना।"

निश्चिन्त रहो कान्हा, वचन देती हूँ तुम्हे" प्रतुत्तर में इतना ही कह पायी वो अराधिका।

कृष्ण एक दीर्घ दृष्टि में हमेशा के लिए अपनी सखी की छवि को अंकित कर रथारूढ़ हुए, अश्व संकेत पाकर अपने गंतव्य को दौड़ पड़े, ओझल होते गोकुल से सिर्फ एक छवि दृष्टिगत थी, राधा की।

What a woman wants

She was basking in the glory and warmth of her achievement when the tranquility of her thoughts were grounded by the wind blowing against her face that asked her, “ Now since you have accomplished most of the desired thing, what you want in life?’

She replied without a split second delay,” a relation that ties me forever with my soul mate.”

She began to expound…

“A relation that will never face lack of words, relation, that has free flow of communication. I need my man to strive for excellence, those who will give me mental spiritual and emotional stimulation. The one who is man of this world as well as family person. Though I am independent in action and words, but I want to be submissive. I just want to not fall, but rise in love with such man”
The wind asked her again
"Is marriage only thing mattered, or getting a best friend in spouse is more important?"

She smiled, as if deeply contemplating, 

"What I wish in the man I would be destined to spent my life with..

I know its human to err, and I do not want him to be perfect, but he would be facing all his responsibilities resulting from his action, of course I would be supporting him to face all thick and thin of life.

Wish him to be a real man, but still a child residing in his heart, that rejoices in simple things of life.

There is fine distinction between love and worship, love is blind, but worship has respect. The respect, that will result in giving him his desired space ( not always, only sometime)

The one who as well atleast respect me and cherish me and I will know who he is. 
Whose  eyes will look so familiar and the  emotions surfaced in those pool of light appear straight from soul."
" Is really the concept of soul mate exist? " asked the curious wind " and do we really re meet the person we are destined to be the part of. Various psychics for past life regression focused on the 'look into the eye and try to recognize ther person thing'. Does when we say nothing at all, our eyes say it all."
She smiled and replied "Trying to know, but one thing for sure, We really knew each other in another life. We will just re-meet."

Slipping of dry sand from tight fisted hand

The real legacy by a father to the son would be the lessons he learnt from his mistakes he committed all his life, but he can never do that, hence every child is bound to commit mistakes and learn it from them.

Recently while taking care of young charges in educational world, I feel I belong to some other generation, not a few years older to them. And what a metamorphosis or should I say, paradigm shift.

But instead of correcting them, shall I allow them to learn from their mistakes, or will that be too late for them.

prayer to my muse

O Muses Almighty

Guide me, bless me, Bless the work new, fresh and  tender and fragile from being savagely abruptly and unceremoniously dumped. Be the bulwark against tide of odds,  when the night stretches long, when facing with harsh critiques and is sneered dismissively,  when words and vision are striving and wary and worn and the path ahead is unclear and blurred.

 Protect this aspirant from the head honchos of critique genre. Give me the nerves of steel and patience of saint when I redraft my words for nth time. Give me the eyes  like a hawk  and ability to overcome any  cranky mood. Hold my hands and lead me to the company of  paragon of highest virtues, as well as when i hold myself from weeping tears of dispair and wail. Let my writing flourish in symbiotic care. Save me from getting the writer's block and anarchy.  Be placated with this simple invocation.

Above and Beyond all, always hold my hand Muses Almighty

( Picture courtsey, Stephanie Pui Mun Law- Shadowscape tarot )

What a man wants..

A woman asked the man “ What do you want to see in your future partner”

“You really want to know?”

Reluctantly she replied, “ I guess, yes”

“ I want someone who knows not only to decorate the bricks of my wall, but my life as well, who knows that behind this hard exterior is a vulnerable person afraid of being  hurt. I want someone who understands that my parents and my friends are equally important to me as her and yes I may at many times will be seeing my mother in her.  I want her to know that many times I want to deal with my problems alone, so do not nag me but respect my privacy, and when at the end I am tired of fighting, she holds me because I still have that small insecure child in me alive.”

He looked towards the horizon and further added “ I am a man who created his own niche, but I somewhere want to ask what can she do for the home that we both will create”

When she gave quizzical look, he chuckled “ No, not financially though it is to an extent, but I need her contribution in my life spiritually, emotionally and mentally”

I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I

need conversation & mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded woman,

I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don’t need to be unequally yoked…believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.I need a woman who is striving for excellence financially as well because I don’t need a financial liability,  but a woman who knows how to manage her finances well.I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a man of present world with tremendous pressure, but strong enough to keep me grounded. Game-playing are not my idea of a woman of substance.I need a woman who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader and care taker to the lives entrusted to her by God, at the same time can take this world in most dignified and graceful way.I need a woman who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader and care taker to the lives entrusted to her by God, at the same time can take this world in most dignified and graceful way.I need someone whom I can adore, and adore for me is thin line between love and respect. We may not be able to explain the connection,but she will always be drawn to me.  “

I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies, deceit  and are not the ingredient of life"

Lost in thoughts he said “ when I meet her, she will bring that ‘one moment’ in my life, that one moment when you feel the nervousness and excitement together when bungee jumping or when a child learns he is able to ride his cycle when his father let him go off.”

The woman awestruck responded, “ aren’t you asking a lot, and how are you going to find her?”

God  will help  me in finding her. I will recognize herself in me. We may not be able to explain the connection,

but she will always be drawn to me.  “